If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
