I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
