are you still at the devil's house?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
