She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
