Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
