I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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