my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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