before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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