when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize