we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
