pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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