Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
