I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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