one might say we're banned from that church
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
