Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
