I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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