it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
