i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize