If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize