apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
