It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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