My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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