You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
