She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
