Sry I called you an 8
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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