you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
