so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
