I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This is the high leading the old right now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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