YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
