a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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