We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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