So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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