FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
