lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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