There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
