You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize