Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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