Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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