You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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