Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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