So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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