Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
