my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
