Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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