people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
