I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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