I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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