also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
