I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
