Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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