I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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