I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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