The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
