we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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