I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
