I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
