Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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