cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
my poor anus
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
