If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize