don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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