if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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