Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
