There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
