billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
