Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
