who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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