Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
