you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
