I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
